The Complete Guide To Premature Ejaculation (Part 5/5 – Putting It All Together)
Premature ejaculation can be a problem for single men, but it is also a relationship issue. Premature ejaculation can affect both you and your partner. You can work together to address it. You’ve probably already spoken with your partner about premature ejaculation.
You’ve done everything you can to manage premature ejaculation, maybe even tried premature ejaculation pills. This includes understanding sexual arousal, mastering masturbation skills, and possibly getting a prescription for an SSRI, or ideally, a combination. You’re now going to apply what you have learned. This article will share some techniques you and your partner can use for a happier sex life.
Working From A Sex Script
Most couples who have to deal with premature ejaculation are not able to afford the outrageous scenarios seen in porn. However, we can borrow some ideas. A script is a concept I recommend to men suffering from premature ejaculation. You can control your bedroom action with sex scripts, just as porn stars act out predetermined fantasies.
Although I don’t recommend you write scenes or dialogue, this is not a suggestion. Predictability–predictability and not boredom–can be a great boon for guys suffering from premature ejaculation.
You can stay in control by planning ahead and knowing what’s coming next. You can think about what works best for you before it happens. Perhaps it’s touching her with your fingers or vibrator and then dropping down on her.
Then, let her jump on top when she’s ready to have sex. These aspects will be discussed in detail in the next section. But, in general, when thinking about a sex script, it is important to:
- You can set the scene to make sure that sex happens in a relaxed and comfortable environment. Reducing stress is the key to preventing premature ejaculation.
- Before you go out for sex, build as much anticipation as possible and establish an emotional connection. Let your hair down and have a fantasyland.
- Foreplay can be extended by adding lots of touching and kissing to your fantasizing. Talk and make contact.Give her a full-body massage with some massage oil.
- Touch stimulates oxytocin, also known as the cuddlehormone, in women. It helps them relax into arousal and feel connected to you.
- Engage in premature ejaculationspecific sexual techniques, such as the perpendicular penis position.
- You need to know when to switch from foreplay to coreplay to get the direct clitoral stimulation you desire to have an orgasm.
- You can become a master of clitoral stimulation. This could be done with your hands, vibrator, or mouth. You can make her orgasm with your hands, not your penis.
- You can get into the habit of letting her orgasm first, then following it up with your own. If you are looking for simultaneous orgasms, you can tell her when she will be coming and then transition into the female superior (woman on top). It is a great way to relieve pressure and allows you to continue sex without interruption.
- You may notice that she has had an orgasm. Or, you might be able to delay yours. It is possible to transition into positions you would not normally be able to, such as behind.
- Connect and cuddle. Take advantage of the post-sex connection with your partner.
The Stage Is Set
The distractions of a crying baby, barking dogs, or a whining car alarm can disrupt a couple’s ability to focus. They can be more than just annoying for a couple who are dealing with premature ejaculation. They can cause sex to stop altogether.
We examined the concepts of “brakes” and “pedals,” which are things that can either increase arousal or slow it down. For those with premature ejaculation, what are “brakes” can be pedals for them. Ejaculation can be triggered by sudden sounds such as the whine of your newborn or other loud noises.
Ejaculation can be triggered by sudden interruptions. It’s easy for men with premature ejaculation to find stressful situations. You must be able to manage premature ejaculation while still enjoying a healthy sexual life.
Your partner should also be open to accepting that some situations might not be suitable for you. For example, your “quickie” is a standard. Some people find it annoying to rush to finish, and the additional excitement of being caught is a nuisance. For couples with premature ejaculation, this only reinforces the unhealthy habits that lead to premature ejaculation.
You want to encourage sexy, casual fun while minimizing stressors. This means allowing yourself to take your time, not feeling rushed, and reducing interruptions where possible.
For guys with premature ejaculation, visual stimulation is a crucial part of sexual arousal. Just looking at their partner’s body could send them over the edge. You may need to decrease that stimulation.
Simply put, you should wait until your sexual environment is perfect.
Premature ejaculation can be misunderstood as meaning you don’t want to give your partner an intoxicating experience. It is impossible to be more truthful. Premature ejaculation is a potential problem if you only think of sex as intercourse.
When you consider all your other options for feeling good, you’ll see that sex goes beyond just having your penis in your partner’s vagina. It’s easy for us to worry about our “shortcomings,” but it’s easy to forget that just because you can last longer doesn’t mean your partner will have an orgasm.
For guys who have premature ejaculation, there’s even more good news: women don’t climax solely from regular vaginal intercourse. Take a look at our brief female anatomy lesson.
Most of the nerve endings that are responsible for her orgasm can be found on the surface of her vulva. This is why applying pressure to the area is better than thrusting intercourse.
Your partner won’t be satisfied if you only focus on her legs. Her biggest sex organs are actually in her ears. Her pleasure is all about fantasy, emotional connection, relaxation, and imagination.
In this section, we discussed setting the scene for success by creating a relaxed and stress-free environment. Your partner should do the same. What works for you in terms of emotional and physical relaxation is likely to work for her.
Fantasy is also a big part of life. While I don’t recommend that you act out your fantasies, I do recommend that you share them. You can tell her if you are interested in the fantasy and that you enjoy talking about it.
Women and men have common fantasies that involve taboos, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and submission. Although almost anyone can create a rich fantasy world, many people prefer to keep it purely fictitious.
Sharing fantasies can help your partner feel valued and enticing. Researchers in the field of sex discovered that women can experience orgasms simply by thinking about sex. Although this is a rare ability, it shows that you shouldn’t underestimate the importance of sexy conversations. You want to make her laugh? You can “think” she is off.
What if talking about your fantasies is enough to send you over the edge? Here’s where your sex script comes in handy. However, I don’t recommend that you limit your flexibility to a predetermined scenario.
Spend some time thinking about how you will describe your favorite fantasy starring your partner. If you are both comfortable in bed, you can end a kiss with something like “I had a very sexy dream about your last night.”
She will be curious. This kind of conversation can get her hot, and it gives you the opportunity to acknowledge your part in her pleasure. You can describe your “dream” to her and let her know how much you love her. It also helps you stay longer.
All The Right Moves
Intercourse is something everyone knows, but what about outercourse? The simplest definition of outercourse is anything you do with another person, except intercourse. This includes touching, kissing, and touching. Outercourse is a large part of what we call foreplay.
Many women complain that men don’t spend enough time on foreplay. They skip the appetizers and get straight to the main meal. Female anatomy and sexual arousal mean that many women require some foreplay or outercourse to reach their climax.
Here’s another chance for men suffering from premature ejaculation. You will spend the majority of your time together enjoying foreplay and some intercourse. If done well, this can make your partner a happy woman.
You can be a “literate” person by adopting a “literate” perspective. Understanding that the clitoris, the powerhouse of female orgasm, responds to constant stimulation, you will become skilled at satisfying women with your hands, lips, vibrator, or combination of all three.
For couples who have suffered from premature ejaculation, it is important to exercise greater control. While you can still enjoy the pleasures of foreplay, outercourse is best when your focus is on her. This includes touching, kissing, and sharing fantasies with her.
You can stimulate your penis by shifting your focus to your partner. These positions allow you to stimulate your partner while still keeping your cool. This is not intercourse per se. This is foreplay where you can touch, spoon, or sometimes penetrate your partner without ever climaxing.
These techniques work because they are based on two simple facts.
- Foreplay and stimulation of the vulva, and in particular the clitoris, is a common requirement for women to have an orgasm.
- Male Anatomy: The penis’ top is more sensitive than its underside.
By using your less sensitive areas to stimulate her most sensitive spots, you can create a winning formula for long-lasting, enjoyable sex. Your overall sex script should include many perpendicular positions. These are best used before intense clitoral stimulation (such as oral) or before she transitions into a sex position like female superior.
The basic principle is this: hold your erect penis in one hand and place it at an angle to your partner’s. You can use this model in a variety of positions, including side-by-side, spooning, and standing, as you will see in the images below.
Each model gives a different sensation. If you are lying on your backs with your faces facing each other, your penis will be slightly perpendicular to your genitals. You can then touch her vulva or clitoris by touching the top of your penis. What will you get? The result? You will both feel blissful. She will feel worshipped. You’ll remain in control.
Perpendicular, Side By Side
This is the most straightforward position to attempt from the perpendicular. You can rest comfortably on your side and continue to experiment with stimulation.
- You can press the top edge of the glans against the clitoris.
- If you feel overwhelmed, you can take a break to squeeze your penis head.
- Manual stimulation can be easily incorporated into the mix.
- Move closer to her body so that her penis shaft is against her vulva.
- Let her press/grind on the area where your shaft meets your pelvic bones by moving in closer. If she is in this position, you can reach across her side with one hand. You can squeeze the top of your penis to get overwhelmed. Or, just place your hand on your buttocks.
- This perpendicular position allows for high levels of eye contact, which means you can kiss, talk, fantasize, and gaze into the eyes of your partner. It allows you to fall in love and feel connected.
- Before going perpendicular, you can press your penis against your lady’s stomach or between her breasts. This stimulation can be very erotic and overwhelming for the guy who has premature ejaculation. It’s important to make sure you are the one in charge of the process. Perpendicular positions have the advantage that your penis is more sensitive than your underside. Therefore, you need to control your stimulation and be aware of your level.
From Behind, Perpendicular:
You can now spoon her from behind. You can do all the things you could do from the side-by-side position. Press your glans against your clitoris and your bodies together. Let her press into your shaft and into your pelvis.
It’s also a very loving position that allows for more body contact as your torso is pressed against her back. This is a wonderful position from which to whisper a fantasy into her ear.
This position can also offer the added psychological thrill of being behind.
You can also rub your penis against her buttocks before moving perpendicularly. You need to pay attention to your level of arousal as you press your penis against her underside.
This position can allow you to experience some of the excitement of a quickie without leaving the bedroom. She can comfortably stand over your penis if you are roughly the same height.
You may have to squat slightly if you are taller than she is. It might be more comfortable to lean against the wall for comfort. However, if you have to squat in order to maintain your position, you should go to the gym to practice your squats.
Do A Lap Dance With Her
You can take a seat in a non-armrest chair. Place the back of your chair against a wall. To hold her in place, have her lie on your lap with her back facing you. Wrap your hand around her stomach. Adjust her body so that her clitoris is against your penis.
Grab your penis with your free hand. This will allow you to squeeze and move your penis across your penis. Alternately, you can move the chair so it faces the wall. This will allow her to push her hands against the wall and work her way into the space at the base.
Penetrating At The Top Of The Glans
You can hold your penis in any of these positions and direct it. These positions allow you to control your penis by pressing your glans against the clitoris of your female partner, or teasing her with a subtle touch.
Please, Please Press On, At Ease
You can think of it as three stages: “Please Squeeze,” “At Ease,” or “Press the Glans.” You can enjoy pleasing her in any of these positions. However, if you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable, you can give your penis the chance to relax and concentrate on other aspects of foreplay that are less intense.
As I said, I don’t like the stop-start or squeeze techniques when they are used as exercises to be done regularly with a partner. They make sex too worky and place too much pressure on the women. Remember that sex should be fun and relaxing for your partner. You will get the opposite result if you ask your partner to use the stop-start and squeeze techniques.
These techniques can be used to your advantage. These techniques can be used to help you relax and maintain control over your foreplay. Let’s look at the squeeze technique. When you hold your penis in one hand, the position shown here is the best.
This allows you to press down on your penis’ underside with your thumb and forefinger and squeeze below its head. This pushes blood out of the penis and reduces ejaculation. If you feel a bit hot or bothered, the squeeze technique is useful.
You can also slow things down by using the stop-start technique and settling into an at ease state. This approach delays ejaculation by allowing the penile stimulation to stop for a while, allowing the sexual tension to pass. This is a great opportunity to move into other partner-pleasing moves like vibrating or going down on her. You can take a break, relax, and keep your attention on your partner.
Between Foreplay And Coreplay
I have already written a lot about my personal struggle with premature ejaculation. My first article, She Comes First, shared how cunnilingus enabled me to delight women fully and made it easy for me to stop worrying about sex. I was able to perform oral sex well, which gave me confidence and helped me be a better lover.
Oral sex is hands down the best and most satisfying way to get a woman to have sex. However, this is only true if the sex is done right. Although many women feel more confident and climax through oral sex than others, it’s not enough to simply give your partner a good lick.
The vast majority of women who were surveyed about their oral habits said that their male partners are too hardworking, impatient, fast, slow, off-target, inconsistent, and/or inconsistent. Cunnilingus can be a skill, but it is something that can easily be learned with knowledge and an appreciation of the female body.
Although I won’t go through every oral sex technique in detail here, I recommend that you download the Good in Bed Guide for Going Down on a Woman. Here are some tips to help you in your quest for cunnilingus success.
- You can transition from touching, kissing, or any other type of foreplay to kissing her by gently kissing her down the length of her body. You can kiss her on her inner thigh and the skin near her vulva. You can kiss her lightly with succulent, tender smacks (lips pressed, no tongue) on her inner, outer, and top of her head. Your first kiss should not be about touching the clitoris directly but more about recognizing the entire genital area.
- You should mentally prepare for what lies ahead. Remember that you will be there to guide her through the orgasmic process.
- If she seems nervous, assure her that she is able to see you and that it turns you on.
- You can keep your focus on her and not on your penis by placing her on the edge of the bed with a pillow between you. Ejaculation can occur in men who have premature ejaculation. This can cause them to look down at women. These modified positions may be helpful if you are concerned about this happening.
- Begin at her vaginal entrance. Continue working your way upwards, licking every step. Begin by brushing lightly with your tongue the area above her head.
- By pressing down with your tongue, you feel the sinewy shaft of the clitoral shaft below her front commissure.
- You’ll kiss her again from the top down, but this time gently press your finger against her perineum (the area of skin beneath her vaginal entrance).
- Place your hand on her navel and gently nudge her abdomen. As you lick, this will tighten the skin around her vaginal opening.
- You can lick her with the skill and precision of a skilled painter. Use broad strokes with precise, targeted precision. You can swoop serpent-like. Start with the flat portion of your tongue and finish with the tip. Make sure you understand what you are aiming at; show passion.
- If you aren’t sure what she prefers, press a flat, still tongue against her vulva and let her decide. This is the cunnilingus equivalent of letting her take control.
- As she approaches orgasm, gently press your gum (just below your top teeth) against her clitoris (the area above her clitoris). As you continue to rhythmically stimulate your tongue, let her use your gum to resist.
Be aware that a woman’s reaction to being lowered can be intense. Many men who have premature ejaculation feel quickly stimulated and overwhelmed by the sensation. If you feel this, you can get up on your knees and continue to orally stimulate the woman.
You can also have your child lie on the floor at the foot of the bed with her legs outstretched and the vulva aligned to the edge. You can place a pillow on the ground and have her kneel down. She can also cross her legs above your shoulders. This position allows you to provide full oral techniques while avoiding friction and physical contact with your body.
Vibrators Are The Buzzword
A vibrator is your best friend when it comes to pleasing your partner. Some men might feel awkward or intimidated by sex toys. However, adding some battery-operated fun to foreplay can help to ignite the fires of arousal. The best way to have sex is to apply rhythmic pressure to the vulva of a woman. For guys suffering from premature ejaculation, vibrators are more useful as they can help a woman climax and relieve the pressure on her penis.
For centuries, vibrators have existed in one form or another. They were first used as medical aids in Victorian times and then as “back massagers” in recent years. These days, there’s a huge array of options, from complex, everything but the kitchen sink models like the “Rabbit” (popularized by Sex and the City) to simple buzzing bullets and eggs.
While many vibes have a phallic shape, some are only meant to stimulate the vulva or clitoris. They don’t penetrate your vagina. These vibrators are great for couples who want to have foreplay with vibrators. Browse through an online store (I like Babeland.com), and ask your partner which options appeal to her.
To get your partner close to orgasm, or even through orgasm in the spirit of sexual “cliteracy”, you can use a vibrator. Don’t be focused on penetration when using a vibrator. Instead, focus on stimulation (of both the vulvae and clitoris).
You can place your hand on hers or vice versa and make it a shared experience so she can guide you. Your partner may already have some experience with vibes, maybe even a favorite. If not, don’t worry.
Websites such as babeland.com offer many options, so it is worth spending a little more to get a high-quality product. Jimmy Jane brands are top-of-the-line. While the vibrations can get intense on these tiny gizmos, it’s best to start with a slow, easy vibe, then gradually increase the intensity.
The Final Countdown To Intercourse
This article will help you get closer to your partner. A concept that I recommend to couples is “intercourse +,” which is intercourse that is preceded by foreplay techniques such as stimulating your partner with your hand, your mouth and/or vibrator.
Research has shown that most women don’t experience orgasm through intercourse alone. They prefer assisted intercourse, or “intercourse plus.” It’s the reverse for couples who are experiencing premature ejaculation. They should focus on foreplay as their main sexual activity and how they will climax. You can then top it all off with some intercourse. It’s basically “foreplay plus.”
If you are a man who is prone to premature ejaculation, it means that your partner must wait until she’s ready for orgasm and then get her on top. You could certainly look, listen, and feel her level of arousal.
Why rely on guesswork when you can look, listen, and feel her level of arousal? It is important that she says that she is very close to you. This can make it seem as though she is closer to orgasm than she actually is. After you have transitioned, it is important to be calm and grounded.
Let her lead the way in terms of pace, intensity, and rhythm. Female superior positions allow her to maintain the clitoral stimulation that she needs through orgasm. She can rub and grind her tip into your pubic bone. It all comes down to rhythm and pressure when it comes to female sexual desire.
Where The Rubber Meets The Road
This is a common complaint that many women have: men who are blunt-sensitive don’t like condoms. This is good news for men with premature ejaculation. Safer sex can lead to more lasting sex. The actual barrier of latex can reduce your edge.
There are many condoms that can help you stay longer. The tip of many condoms contains benzocaine or another desensitizing ingredient. This will slightly numb your penis. Condoms will not magically cure premature ejaculation. However, they can be used as an additional tool to help you manage it.
Let’s face it, even if you follow all of the advice and take an SSRI, there’s only a two-minute window before you ejaculate. Although it’s not ideal, it’s still manageable in comparison to the 15-20 to 60 seconds that most men with premature ejaculation spend waiting before they ejaculate.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re done. After ejaculation, blood slowly flows out of your penis. This leaves you with a lingering urge for around two minutes. This may be enough for your partner to climax. If she is on top, most of the clitoral stimulation from her pubic bone will come regardless of your decreasing tumescence.
Practice, Plus A Cuddle
Although you have successfully brought your partner to an orgasmic encounter using the techniques described in this section, it is not over. It’s possible that you are ready to bring your partner along, but if not, make the most of this opportunity. This is a great way to practice, get closer to your partner, and perhaps even help her climax again.
This is how it works: If she comes first, it removes a lot of pressure and creates a setting for you to continue sex in a way that allows you to tune in to your own sensations while focusing on ejaculatory mastery.
Because the blood takes longer for the blood to leave the genitals, she will likely go into semi-arousal rather than return to her pre-arousal state. Semi-arousal will result in her responding to your thrusts being less responsive and more relaxed, which is conducive to ejaculatory control and a general sense of containment.
You have two options: you can either take it slow or fast. You can experience your own orgasm quickly, or you can postpone ejaculation to get used to the rhythm of intercourse. She may experience a state of semi-arousal or heightened arousal. With the ability to experience multiple orgasms at once, it is possible that she will experience her second sexual experience.
Now, you can relax and enjoy this time together. Premature ejaculation is a condition in which a man is unable to experience the neurochemical intoxication that makes him feel like he’s having a great time. He’ll most likely have ejaculated and then go into anxiety. If you manage premature ejaculation well, you will be able to hold your partner, cuddle, and enjoy the natural connection that you feel after sex.
You have reached the end! I hope you have gained valuable information and tools to manage premature ejaculation. Let me be clear: you’re not done reading this article. But it will help you manage premature ejaculation.
These techniques require dedication and practice, as well as time. There is no single treatment for premature ejaculation. There will be bumps on the road to a happier sex life. This is part of living with a chronic, long-term condition. You will make mistakes.
Don’t lose heart. Trust me when you tell me that it will get easier and you will be able to satisfy your partner. You can also enjoy better sex. Premature ejaculation can be managed just like any other battle. You need to have a wide range of weapons for the best results.
The combination therapy plan that I have described here is the key to success. You can overcome premature ejaculation by adopting a positive attitude and staying committed to the program, no matter what the outcome.
- The Complete Guide To Premature Ejaculation (Part 1/5 – Quiz)
- The Complete Guide To Premature Ejaculation (Part 2/5 – Common Myths)
- The Complete Guide To Premature Ejaculation (Part 3/5 – Understanding Arousal)
- The Complete Guide To Premature Ejaculation (Part 4/5 – Treatment Options)
- The Complete Guide To Premature Ejaculation (Part 5/5 – Putting It All Together)
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